Inside The Mind Of A Vegan Alchemist. Carnivore Approved.

He Doesn’t want to Be Your Friend, But His Penis Does…

I have a bone to pick with your boner. Yes that organ that you believe you can just whip out, and send girls falling to their knees. That small head that although anatomically impossible, seems to have more influence over your behaviour than your actual brain. Can’t I just be your friend without having you force your tongue down my throat or shove your dick in my face? Why can’t I just sit and drink my sangria and chat with you, then take a delightfully intoxicated walk home?

NOPE, the answer is no, men and women cannot just be friends. Well, they can… But they simply cannot be left alone, unless both of you are attached and you’re shopping for the one of your significant other’s ring…

If he is your friend, your life long pal, the big bro you never had, or who you turn to for relationship advice, guess what? He wants to fuck you. Well, unless you’re a Shrek, then he really just loves staring at your ass, or your tits; whatever feature on you is appealing to him. He’s a dude, it’s not his fault… blame his penis.

In the majority of opposite-sex friendships there’s at least a low level of attraction. And if it’s coming more from one friend than the other, it’s probably the guy. Let’s face it, he has many friends, he probably doesn’t need another, and if he does… I am sure he doesn’t need it to be a chick. There are two main differences between you and his guy pals. 1) You are far less interesting to be around 2) He can’t sleep with his man pals, no matter how deep the bromance. Put two and two together… it’s only a matter of time before you bump uglies.

So, ladies would you stop trying to be friends with men, then getting upset when they make a move on you?

Don’t believe me? Here’s proof,  it’s hilarious to see the distinction between the sexes. Except that we (women) look like clueless assholes…

One response

  1. As a guy I gotta disagree with reason #1. I have many female friends that are MUCH more interesting than many of my guy friends, but maybe I’m just a weirdo hahahah.

    I guess it is just personality driven. A unique personality is always interesting. Stereotypical ones, however, not so much and that applies regardless of which tool is between a person’s legs.

    The true test is digital friendship though. Because of social media it is pretty common to have friends that you have never even met in person. Hell, it is possible to have friends who you don’t even have a picture of. How does THAT dynamic play into the concept of men and women being friends?

    July 11, 2012 at 7:20 pm

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