Inside The Mind Of A Vegan Alchemist. Carnivore Approved.

How to get a guy to fall in love with you on the first date… Dating 101

Your Outfit

You are sick and tired of spending hours on end making yourself look good to the opposite sex. We live in a superficial society, and you refuse to be a part of it. If the person you are having dinner with cannot accept you at your worst, why should they get to enjoy you at your best? So don’t be that girl that tries to dazzle her man with a glittery first impression. No, do the opposite. Show up in an old T-shirt and cutoff jeans. Oh and forgo the shower and makeup, if he’s a genuine guy he will see past your smelly pits and raccoon eyes, and will be immediately swept away by your awesome personality.

Bring Your Family Along

They always say, date someone you family will approve of. So what better way to see if he is even worth it than having him meet your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins – as many as you can gather,  on the first date! You will all be able to figure out how you feel about this potential new member of the family immediately! You can even turn it in to a fun game by providing everyone with a scorecard.

Ask Intensely Personal Questions  

Having trouble getting the conversation jumpstarted again after discussing you father IBS with your date? Get to the heart of who or she is. You could, for example, begin by saying “Why did your last relationship end? Is your ex better looking than me?” “What was your morning poop like today?” You have to make sure your potential husband is eating a healthy high fiber diet…

Order the Most Expensive Items on the Menu

Though it might seem rude, it is important to keep in mind the first date is a special occasion. He is lucky that he is even out with you tonight. Imagine how much better the story will be for your children when you tell them that their daddy spent his whole paycheck on wooing their mother. And NEVER skip dessert. In fact, have two or three of them.


Tell this potential husband all about your ticking biological clock. I am sure he wants to know every detail associated with your aging eggs and extreme need for 2.3 kids and a dog in the next 5 years. Be as desperate as possible, it’s hot.

The First Kiss

Anyone who has ever dated knows that the first kiss the worst part of a date. Neither of you has any idea what the other person likes, so it almost always ends up being a train wreck. So go ahead, go in for the kill like a shark in blood filled water. Lick that dudes face, and pinch his ass while your ate it. Nothing screams I’m desperate like maul in the first 3 hours you’ve known the dude.

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