Inside The Mind Of A Vegan Alchemist. Carnivore Approved.

Things My Guys Friends Have Taught Me

1. Just because he wants to sleep with you doesn’t mean he wants to date you. I’ve heard my male friends say on many occasions “I’d put my penis in her, but I wouldn’t date her if you paid me.” Men are perfectly capable of being sexually available while maintaining no real attachments. While they may think a girl is hot, they can spot her emotional baggage from a mile away. Put that shit away!

2. Your really good guy friend really wants to fuck you. There are three categories of male friends: those that want to sleep with you, those that have slept with you, and those that used to want to sleep with you but are no longer attracted to you, because you fart and burp in their general direction.

3. Men talk about you with their friends as much as you do.  If they truly like a girl, they will analyze things just as much as women do. The difference is, they will never let her see this, whereas women put the crazy on display. STOP IT!!!!

4. Sometimes a date is just a date. A guy can take you out on a first date for many reasons: he’s bored, he has no other plans, he thinks he might get laid, he wants to ask you about your hot friend, he just went through a breakup and needs a distraction, he wants to try a new bar but doesn’t want to go alone, etc. He may be taking you out for drinks, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s interested in seriously dating you … at all.

5. Every man has his dealbreakers. A friend of mine recently told me that he will not date a woman that buys entertainment magazines. Yes, sometimes dealbreakers can be that simple.

6. They don’t need others to validate the relationship. You may be sitting there waiting for the moment you become “Facebook Official,” but he could not care less who knows that you are dating. If he isn’t changing his relationship status, it isn’t because he doesn’t want people to know you’re in a relationship, he simply does not care about this. At all.

7. If you constantly drunk text him, he thinks you want to sleep with him. Every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night text that he receives from you increases his confidence that he will sleep with you and decreases his interest in dating you. If you act like a slut, he will treat you like a slut.  MIND= BLOWN

8. His friends must approve. A guy will dump a girl because his friends don’t like her. It may take a month or a year, but eventually he will get annoyed with hearing “dude, seriously, your girlfriend sucks” and then she’s outta there! Umpire styles.

9. They hate when girls play hard to get. Or any other games, for that matter. You may think taking 18 hours to return a text message is a good rule of thumb, but they just take your lack of interest as, well, a lack of interest. He’s not a mind reader dumbass.

10. If a girl isn’t into them, they’d like to know sooner rather than later. Don’t go out with him or continue to talk to him because you feel bad or you’re trying to spare his feelings. Be an adult and let him know you aren’t interested in dating him. Also, don’t try to pawn him off to a friend, unless the friend looks like Kate Upton.

Be a lady not a douchebag.

3 responses

  1. asjdasdasdasd

    A lot of these things go BOTH WAYS. Women are far from saints.

    May 29, 2012 at 7:20 pm

  2. noturdaddy

    some of these are not true

    i would never sleep with anyone i wasn’t considering a long-term relationship with

    i don’t tell people anything about what goes on between us for decades and then only anonymously to provide an anecdote that illustrates a point

    i wouldn’t care at all what anyone said about her
    i would burn down my whole life to a stump if i was in love
    evryone else could go fuck themselves

    ‘hard-to-get’ is alright but if she tells me to leave her alone she is going to have to call me

    maybe u were talking to boys

    July 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

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