I’m Doin’ Me
I have always been camera shy. I hate being the center of attention and never felt I was interesting. I often found myself trying to be someone other than Candice. I saw myself as two different people- the me I really was, and the me I aspired to be. Here’s the problem, I didn’t know who the real me was, and the me I aspired to be, wasn’t me at all. It was a fantasy. I was living life vicariously through certain individuals and creating a fantasy world in my own head. Why was I so against the idea of just being me?
Growing up I was surrounded by individuals with whom I had nothing in common. I enjoyed reading strange novels and listening to music no one had ever heard of. I made clothing that went unappreciated and had ideals no one understood. I often dreamt of traveling the world, becoming an itinerant wanderer who roamed wherever I pleased. As I became a young adult, most of these traits were hidden behind closed doors and eventually completely forgotten. Because they lacked a sense of ordinary; they lay in a basement collecting dust, waiting patiently until the day came to be unearthed.
That day came and continues to come. After years of self exploration I have bravely accepted who I am, my passions, and my love for life. I have given up trying to be anyone other than Candice. I slip, as we all do; and I tumble into old habits and prove that they do die hard. In times of stress and temporary lows I find my heavily entrenched habits rising like a phoenix from the ashes. But just as I do with anything else, I allow myself 5 minutes of self-pity and then I use this step backward as a tool for self development. Continuing on the path of self discovery, nay- the path of self creation.
Look at it this way; you can spend your whole life trying to find yourself, or spend your life creating who it is you want to be, and discover bits and pieces of yourself along the way. We all grow and change so our mirrored view will always be slightly different then the day before. That’s ok, as long as you stay true to who you are, your beliefs and your integrities. That little girl or boy inside of you never goes away, they are beautiful beings and hold the key to life’s joys. It is that energy of playfulness and joy that fuels the inspired actions that allow us to attract our deepest desires. Let your inner child guide you to passion.
I will never fit in; I will always be a bit eccentric and will actively go against the social norm. After all, is there really such a thing?
If you want a fun exercise in self discovery try this guy out.