Maca Me Sexy!
In the constant search for a healthier body, I made a choice a few months ago to incorporate a few more super foods into my diet. We Superwomen deserve super foods do we not?
One that has stuck out more than the rest has been the increased amount of maca in my diet. Changes my…
By: Ryan O’Connell
Published on Thought Catalog
1. It is possible to occasionally sleep with your friend without it turning into some big ol’ thing. Why is there such intense debate about this? Why did Hollywood have to poop out two identical movies that explore this STRANGE and TWISTED phenomenon known as, “friends with benefits”? “OMG,” a fearful woman screams. “Is it true? Can you REALLY sleep with someone and not want to have 10,000 of their babies afterwards?” Yes. Friend sex is tricky but it can work on a case by case basis. I would just advise that the person you’re boning not be your best friend and that you only have sex sporadically. There. Bingo. Now you can sleep with most of your friends!
2. Sex isn’t always hot. Sometimes it’s sad and sometimes it’s angry and sometimes it’s embarrassing. Sex comes in a variety of flavors and “hot porn sex” is just one of the things that’s on the menu. To be honest, messy sex is often more interesting than garden-variety porn sex. It’s easy to emulate what you’ve seen on TV. The real challenge comes from making sex personal and uNiQuE to the individual.
3. Sometimes you will feel overwhelmed with emotion and want to cry during sex. That’s okay. You’re not crazy. There’s just a dick inside of you. We’ve all been there.
4. There are certain sexual experiences that leave a nasty mark and, in most cases, the mark doesn’t go away until you sleep with someone else. The best cure for a bad sexual experience is a good one.
5. People don’t always get more interesting when their clothes are off. They don’t magically become nicer or more understanding. Sometimes a person is actually the worst version of themselves when they’re naked.
6. More people would like to have sex with you than you might think. If you’re ever in doubt, you should just assume that someone would be okay with seeing you naked.
7. While it can be good to take a break from sex, don’t be gone too long. Otherwise, you risk becoming legitimately terrified of sex. The thought of experiencing that kind of intimacy with someone is, all of a sudden, totally bone-chilling and you can’t remember how you ever did it. And that, my friends, is how six months of celibacy can quickly turn into two years.
8. Sex is the reason why you’re taking a cab to this douchebag’s apartment at 4 a.m. Sex is the reason why you bought those $200 jeans. Sex is the reason why you ordered a salad instead of a burger. Sex is the reason why you’re still dating this person, even though you know you’ll never be able to love them. See that? Therein lies the difference between sex and love. Sex drags things out that should’ve been dead a long time ago. Love, on the other hand, kills everything quickly.
9. It is possible to have really good sex with someone, love who they are, get along with them during daylight hours, and still never want to date them.
10. The person you lost your virginity to won’t always mean something to you. And that’s fine. They really don’t need to matter. Their one job is to make you not a virgin anymore and then send you on your merry way.
Read more at http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/10-things-no-one-tells-you-about-sex/#Q02sVto33RHiMRzK.99
Pet names are weird. I often find myself wondering if these pet names we use are really terms of endearment or a cute subtle way of disconnecting from your partner? What’s in a nickname or pet name? How is it decided? This is pet name phenomenon probably one of the most common, socially accepted habits that can develop in relationships. Nearly everyone calls their loved one an endearing nickname. Why do we do it? It can’t be all that bad can it? Yes it can!
Calling your partner “honey” or something along those lines is the first fall down the slippery slope toward a bland or nonexistent sexual relationship. It may start out small with babe, but this babe will very quickly morph into honey, hon, pooh bear, sweetie, love bug, pumpkin, cuddles, cutie pie, doober and other disgusting names that will ultimately take away any strong female or male qualities you and your partner may have had. Like seriously, Pooh bear- do you have IBS? Is it his way of letting you know that he thinks you’re cute regardless of your daily bowel movements? Pumpkin? Have you been frequenting your local tanning salon?
One of the most important parts of our unique identity is our name. Maybe you have a name that suits your personality. Maybe you find your name to be beautiful. Or maybe your name is the name of a mother or grandmother. There is something in a name. Our parents spent hours choosing the perfect name to give to their child; a name that they will carry with them with pride for the rest of their lives. Why would you want to lose that? Whether we like it or not, our name is the most obvious sign of our identity. And isn’t your identity the reason they fell in love with you in the first place? When you’re both calling each other sweetheart a small part of your identity is slowly disappearing. By using it, you subconsciously take the sexual tension down a notch in the way you communicate with your lover. This seemingly innocent word will effectively take away their individuality, their sex, their female/maleness, and what makes them different from you.
As a woman I feel that childlike nicknames like these put women in a childlike state. These less than sexy nicknames will change the way you feel about your partner, from a husband or boyfriend to a daddy like state of mind. You are no longer the strong sexy woman you once were, you have become a little girl waiting to be rescued.
Your relationship should be a never ending first date. You are not a generic human being, and you do not deserve a generic name. Think about what happens when a man says your name. Oh what a turn on, it is the sexiest thing a man can do. The simplicity of calling you by your name, the name that was given to you. The name that you identify with, the name that has shaped your personality. The name that you see on a degree, or on an office door; the name that makes you feel accomplished and strong.
So call your lover by their name; their strong, sexy name, and leave the pet names for the cats.
Big glasses and a bigger than oversized hat. You would Think after years of doing this you’d be a pro…. Nope, still an embarrassed little girl clutching that precious item between her legs. You walk into a big shiny, scary white room and hand the receptionist your card. She looks you up and down accusingly and asks you why you are here. You mumble a quick something using your right hand to deflect the sound of your voice from tickling the ears of anyone around.
You collect your things and take a seat, staring at the pile of magazines in front of you. Nothing of interest, just Parenting, housekeeping and a few old newspapers. You see your hand reaching out for something to flip through then quickly stop yourself . Disgusting , I can’t believe I almost picked that up. You watch each self-conscious individual get called down the long, white corridor. Breath in, breath out, long, deep breaths, in, pause, out.
You jump at the sound of your own name. Startled, you pick up your bags and oversized hat and follow the small Asian woman down what seems like a never ending hallway. Last door on the left she says without looking, as she stretches her long index finger in your general direction.
You walk in, breath… You look at the white, plain walls and a cold chill quivers down your back. You spot tools, scary tools of all shapes and sizes. Ugh, you make a face. One you have done many times in the past, and turn towards the long, black, leather-like bed. No, not bed. Beds offer comfort and provide rest, this piece of furniture does not. This is a bed of humiliation and shame. You walk toward it and eye the garment laid out on the right side. Here we go, you think to yourself. Slowly and quietly you begin to take off your clothes. One item at a time, thinking about each piece. To stall the events that are about to take place, you slowly and precisely fold each article of clothing. When you finish you find yourself quite happy with your efforts. Oma’s finishing school teacher would be proud, real lady is standing in this room.
Knock knock, your day dream is interrupted. Any pleasant thought you had going through your head has quickly vanished. Poof gone. “C-c- co- *cough* come in!” You squeak. The reveal is always the most tasking part of the day… Will the universe grant you the gift of a gentle, soft spoken professional, or the short, overweight, creepy guy that stares at you before he goes about his business… The door opens slowly… You find yourself cringing like a toddler watching a horror flick. You open your eyes and sigh in relief.
“Good afternoon miss. Will you please hop onto the bed”. You do as your told. “It’s been a while, are you comfortable? You nod. “Lay down please, could you please move your bum down a bit? Yes closer to me, there now I can see you. “ Your sigh of relief disappears and waves of anxiety start rippling down your entire body. The back of your knees are sweaty. Is it over yet?
“Please open your legs, nice and wide, wider, wiiider miss”. Even though you have done this many times, you still find yourself hesitating. Eventually you just succumb to their compand and separate your legs as wide as possible, and lean back. Try to relax you tell yourself, breathe in, and out.
“This might feel a lot fuller than you’re used to…” oh god damnit… We’ve got a big one. You groan quietly to yourself, just your luck. Before you are able to argue you feel it inside you. It feels full, very full. Your toes curl and your hands find themselves in fists. Just breathe. You see a hand grab for one of the strange objects next to the bed.. Oh what the hell… Too late , “almost done!” you hear, just as you thought the misery would never end.
You feel two fingers inside you, What are you searching for? You wonder. All done! Oh thank god. You pull the sheet up over your legs to cover your exposed girly bits. You sit down next to the bed and pull on your panties and zip up your skirt. You don’t turn around, but you can hear papers shuffling.
“Looks good! Take some condoms on your way out. See you again in a year!”
You forget your friends
It’s not nice to play favorites and the same rule goes for friends. Sure you now have this lovely, wonderful, awesome, being in your life that you are allowed to hump, but don’t forget your non-hump-able friends. You had a life before you met this person and should continue to have one now that you are dating. Check in with your friends, hang out with them (no texting does not count as a hangout), and get into trouble like you used to. That penis will still be waiting to be inside you when you get home.
You eat like Shrek
Now that you are in a relationship, you find yourself eating all the fucking time. Like even when you are not hungry you are eating. Why the hell does this happen? More date nights? No, not necessarily. Comfort? Maybe, but really that more applies to your unshaven legs… we will get to that later. For some reason we as people just LOVE to feed the ones we love. It’s weird, but whatever. Wanna split nachos?
You get lazy
I don’t need to impress anyone; I don’t have to shave my legs or shower… Yes, Yes you fucking do! Look at your damn self, have some pride. You can’t walk around like some cavewoman just because you have someone that loves you. Especially if you are insisting that you can eat whatever you please. No one wants to date, or be friends with a Sasquatch Ogre.
You become stupid
Love can cause otherwise smart people to become completely oblivious to any flaws and act like a social R-tard. I myself have caught myself reduced to a 60 IQ and robbed of my personality…
You tolerate vanilla sex
We all get lazy, and tired. But I shouldn’t be a routine. Keep things exciting in the bedroom and explore your lover’s body, every single inch. Meeeee Owwwww.
You tell everyone about your “other- half”
Your friends do genuinely give a shit about your relationship, but they do not give a shit about every small intimate coma-inducing detail of it. Keep his cute faces and wacky love of Saturday morning cartoons to yourself.
You give up dreams and goals
Don’t fucking do this shit. A relationship does not make you one person. You do not become one… even in marriage you should not become one. Sure one house, one bathroom, one bed, but not one personality or one dream. Support their dream, but continue to pursue your own as well! If you want to be a flying ninja in a cat suit at night they should be supportive of your nun-chuck lessons and sporadic meowing… It’s just who you are.
You become a jealous freak
The insecurity will shock you and you will do weird, horribly wacky and insane things. You will probably claim to have blacked out because you’ll have had no idea you had the capacity to become such a monster.
Saw them at the Horseshoe in Toronto. Epic Dance party.
How have I lived in Ontario for most of my life and not been to Niagara falls… This was a question I was asked on a number of occasions. So for this weeks spontaneous adventure I headed to Niagara Falls for the evening…
After 15 mins of walking the strip I realized I had discovered the shitty Canadian version of a far less glamorous Vegas. Having an appreciation for all things tacky and random, I found the many haunted houses and flashy novelty stores to be endearing and… Well, bright.
Nonetheless, your fun is determined by the company that you keep and our fun was about to be spent at Dave & Busters playing guitar hero and Pac Man until we were crossed eyed. The beer could have been blamed for that…
I could also put the blame on the beer for why I found myself in a larger than life dinosaur park. I don’t care how old you think you are, dinosaurs are wicked cool!
I found out that I do not like ferris wheels. I got mad anxiety when we were stopped at the top. Racing heartbeat, sweaty palms and pits. This fear was something I was not aware of. I have been bungee Jumping, skydiving and base jumping, and for some unknown reason a ferris wheels scares the eff out of me!!
Meet my new friends, Hilda and and Frida. They may look scary but they’re really quite tame.
Note to all vegans… There are zero vegan options in Niagara… And if there is I sure as hell couldn’t find it! This should be a crime! Someone call the cops!
PACMAN MUTHAFUCKKKKAAAAAA … We played videos games at Dave & Busters for like 3 ours, beers in hand, fingers quick and the competition a blazinnn’.
Want to see what I’m up to? Keep up with my adventures digitallyyyyyy on the Tweetisphere.
There comes a point in every single girl’s life when she finds herself having to use the loo in a man’s apartment. Leading up to this horrifying act was a series of drinks or dinners (or maybe not, Trampy McTramperson) where you could politely and discreetly excuse, and relieve yourself in peace. Free of worry, judgement or running water. But now you find yourself standing in the cold, empty bathroom trying to figure out just how well he can hear you doing the devils business.
At this point you are desperate. You have been holding your full bladder for at least 2 hours, having that inner battle with yourself, “You’re fine, you do not need to pee, just hold it and it will go away…” Well I have news for you it won’t go away, and holding it can result in chaos if the situation is not carefully assessed. You never know when you’re about to laugh uncontrollably or may find yourself in a tickle war, or worse you slip and fall… trust me. So here you are.
You look down at the turned up toilet seat. You wince and reach out to set it down. You stare, but then decide to check out your surroundings, a blue shower curtain, little to no product, small bits of freshly shaven hair scattered around the sink. You can tell he tried to clean it, but some spots were missed. You look back at the bathroom door; it feels paper thin at this point. You find yourself tip toeing around the bathroom look for anything to muffle the sound a bit.
Like some teen smoking pot in their dorm room, you shove a towel in the crack at the bottom of the door. Hmm that sound help, you look proudly towards the proof of your problem solving skills. That should do it! You head back to the toilet, and start unrolling the toilet paper, and piling it in the toilet bowl, creating a small barrier between your urine and the water. There! Now he won’t hear that embarrassing tinkle… You sit down and after 5 yoga breaths you start to pee, slowly, barely… and just as you are about to let go, you remember the sink. Running water!! You stop immediately and turn on the water full force. Awkwardly you hop back to the toilet, panties around your ankles, and pee in peace—kind of.
You push and push realizing that you’ve been in this bathroom for a bit longer than you anticipated. A quick flush, wash of the hands. and touch up of make up, you proudly, but gracefully prance back into his gaze, an extra hop in your step. You did it…
He smiles, and you smile back. But what you may not realize is that he is laughing inside. While you were away for 20 minutes trying to figure how to muffle the sound of your pee, he firmly believes the only reason anyone would take so long in a bathroom is because you needed to take a great… big…dump.
I tweet from the bathroom all the time! Follow me !
I have a bone to pick with your boner. Yes that organ that you believe you can just whip out, and send girls falling to their knees. That small head that although anatomically impossible, seems to have more influence over your behaviour than your actual brain. Can’t I just be your friend without having you force your tongue down my throat or shove your dick in my face? Why can’t I just sit and drink my sangria and chat with you, then take a delightfully intoxicated walk home?
NOPE, the answer is no, men and women cannot just be friends. Well, they can… But they simply cannot be left alone, unless both of you are attached and you’re shopping for the one of your significant other’s ring…
If he is your friend, your life long pal, the big bro you never had, or who you turn to for relationship advice, guess what? He wants to fuck you. Well, unless you’re a Shrek, then he really just loves staring at your ass, or your tits; whatever feature on you is appealing to him. He’s a dude, it’s not his fault… blame his penis.
In the majority of opposite-sex friendships there’s at least a low level of attraction. And if it’s coming more from one friend than the other, it’s probably the guy. Let’s face it, he has many friends, he probably doesn’t need another, and if he does… I am sure he doesn’t need it to be a chick. There are two main differences between you and his guy pals. 1) You are far less interesting to be around 2) He can’t sleep with his man pals, no matter how deep the bromance. Put two and two together… it’s only a matter of time before you bump uglies.
So, ladies would you stop trying to be friends with men, then getting upset when they make a move on you?
Don’t believe me? Here’s proof, it’s hilarious to see the distinction between the sexes. Except that we (women) look like clueless assholes…
In order to be successful in anything you must surround yourself with like minded people. Whether its professionally or personally, who you surround yourself with will either empower you, or hold you back.
For me this is especially important when it comes to my lifestyle and diet. I have had relationships fail because there was no common ground when it came to food. We were often so off base that even the respect went out the window.
I am not saying that I will only date vegans or raw foodists or Even vegetarians. No, that’s not what I’m about, but having a relationship where something as simple as eating comes naturally because of a mutual love for health and gifts of nature DOES help. A mutual respect for the other persons lifestyle choices is crucial! No one wants to date someone that makes fun of them all the time… As a vegan this happen allll the fuuccccking time. I am bound to have one too many drinks one night, get fed up and spit some poison in your face… let’s try to avoid this…
So go… make sweet friends that you can share your green drink with!
The stalker typically fails to understand that while working through basic emotions commonly associated with a break-up is necessary, doing so six months after the break-up by showing up unannounced and waiting outside an apartment, sending novel size text messages and/or hysterical phones calls is not the right way to go about it. This ex is perhaps the most technologically savvy of the different types of exes you will encounter; causing disrupted sleep schedules, making you take different routes home from work and littering your Facebook page with overly emotional messages and status updates . This ex will tweet you, tag you, invite you, share with you, comment on you, mention you, friend you and a whole host of other annoying things that add a little extra drama to our online footprint.Basically, the stalker throws a fits one minute and loves you the next. They are emotionally unstable and will end up hating your guts and owing you $2000.
The Holy Grail ,one you’ll never get over
CAUTION: You may slip into stalker territory if you don’t check yourself…
This is the heartbreaker of the year, the one that got away, the one that made you fantasize about marriage, and travelling and babies and sex in the forest. The one that had everything right — they made you laugh, the sex was incredible, you fit together like two puzzle pieces. You’re convinced that the one you’ll never get over was perfect. You seriously believe that you two were perfect together (untrue) and you find yourself making up excuses like “You were at different places in your life”, You were in love with who they could be not who they were…”, “The universe conspired against you”. The one you’ll never get over has likely moved on, and wishes you’d move on, too. They are always nice to you, you convince yourself that you are both close friends, but really you are just holding on to a memory of what was… You are in a bad baaaad place here.
The one you need to stop having sex with
This is the one who pops into your head when you think that a nice hot cup of fuck might put a band-aid over your current problems. But that, my friend, is a temporary solution at best.
Situation No. 1:You are in Control- You need to stop having sex with this person because you need to learn how to be alone, and the responsibility you have not to hurt another person like that. They still love, or want to be with you… This is not nice.
Situation No. 2: They are in Control- They broke up with you. They’re actively dating, and when they feel lonely, you’re there for them, wishing they’d just commit to you again.
No one wants the two of you in the same room, unless you invited Hitler over for a good blitzkrieg. You broke up because one or both of you did some really fucked up shit. You lied, you cheated, you compulsively masturbated, you ignored, you stayed out all night, you fought, and you threw a chair at the wall, or them. Now the enemy is avoided at all cost, because shit will go down if you two are around each other. Having an enemy for an ex is a toxic situation that can quickly get ugly if not handled with a swift delete from your phone, your Facebook and your life.
Basically, the friend is Elaine and you’re Jerry. You broke up not because you didn’t love them, but because of mutual incompatibilities. The friend is fun to be around and understands you better than most people. They somehow matured from mate to your brother from another mother. They’ve known you forever and you probably won’t ever try the romantic thing again, but they’re one of the most significant relationships you’ve ever had.
1. Get good music.
No Nickelback will be played up in this bedroom. The best way to make sure you are ready for three-way action is to have an appropriate score for your multi-sexing, and if the only thing you have is the Requiem for a Dreamsoundtrack, just cease and desist now; you are not prepared for this. Instead, you will go down to the record store or iTunes and buy yourself some Maxwell, D’Angelo, Junior Boys, Hot Chip, Justin Timberlake, Prince or Marvin Gaye.
You should stay far away from Bon Iver, Lana Del Rey, the Police, Leonard Cohen or any Fiona Apple song that is not “Criminal.” If you want a no-brainer, just select “3” by Britney Spears. The choice isn’t original, but it’s also not a sensitive indie ballad composed in a Wisconsin cabin that sounds soulful and erotic but will also make you spontaneously sob. This is a threesome, not sex with Mel Gibson; it should not end in tears.
2. Set the mood.
Mirrors on the ceilings are not necessary and kind of creepy, but I find a dimmer very helpful. Not only will it serve to soften the room, but it will also make you slightly less self-conscious about being naked in front of more than one person. I’m always personally nervous about my awkward back hair pattern passing muster with one person, and the idea of two sets of eyes on that in direct overhead light is terrifying.
Also, a dimmed room can be nicely paired with some candles from Yankee Candles or Bath and Body Works or a Glade Plug-In — but like, a sexy Glade Plug-In. Make sure the odor either smells of the Fruits of the Forest, Laundry on a Clothes Line or Dirty, Dirty Skank. Pull your mattress onto the floor to give all of you some space to move around or just throw down every blanket in a ten-mile radius. Too many good threesomes have been ruined by someone falling out of bed or catching an elbow in the eye because there’s only so much space to move around in a queen.
Lastly, appropriate wine is vastly important, as is selecting one not followed by the word “cooler” or preceded by the word “box.” To paraphrase Jenna Maroney, you are not 12 and at your boyfriend’s frat party. Drink like it.
3. Get on the same page.
The key to any great sex is communication, both before and during sex. With people who are new to the threesome format, you may want to set up boundaries and expectations and make sure that all parties are comfortable with the sex that is about to happen. This is especially important when having sex with friends or couples, because things can get mighty weird after the sex is over and your life can turn into a Roman Polanski movie or a Bret Easton Ellis novel.
And during sex, many people like very many different things. Some people like cuddling and lots of foreplay and some like being spanked and getting peed on — desires that are not necessarily mutually exclusive. You should have a general idea about what everyone is into before you start doing it with them, because a) knowing how to please other people makes the sex better and b) no one wants to end up accidentally David Carradined, because if there is an afterlife, that would be really embarrassing to explain to Mother Teresa. And during the sex, it’s often good to check-in with people about the sexy things you are doing to them. There’s nothing worse than taking great care to pleasure two sets of nipples only to much later find out that sexy thing you’ve been doing turns absolutely no one on.
4. Go with the flow.
Communication is great. People love talking, or therapy would not exist. But sometimes, you also just have to STFU and let the other bodies in the room do the communicating. It’s sex, not a moon landing. So, instead of discussing it to death, just pay attention to how the folks around you respond to your sexing and to the non-verbal cues that create real intimacy. Have you had your tongue in someone’s posterior for fifteen minutes and no one seems to care about it? Try something else. The Sex Bible of the Kama Sutra tells us that your threesome options are truly infinite. Reverse that Cowgirl, enjoy a Lap-Dancing Cowgirl or just get off that horse altogether.
5. Take turns or take a break.
Great threesome sex is a lot like juggling, in that you don’t have to hold all the balls at the same time. If you are tired of serving one partner or want to switch things up, you literally have the ability to switch things up. There’s another person in the room whose needs you can start attending to, or if you are advanced, you can attend to both at the exact same time. But in this scenario, be careful or unintentional bumping or collisions. As discussed before, watch those elbows and stay abreast on positions. The blooper reel of threesomes can be funny later, but in the moment, accidentally stepping on someone’s genitals really, really isn’t.
Also, if you are getting tired — because threesomes can be downright exhausting and should be conducted with proper air conditioning — just take a breather and cool down. The great thing about tapping out for a couple minutes to grab some water, freshen up or use the restroom is that you always have instant entertainment during your intermission. Make sure to enjoy the show.
6. Check your hygiene.
Ideally, this should be done before the threesome begins, but I understand. When you’re in the heat of the moment, Listerine and body wash is not always the first thing on your mind. Sometimes, a little bit of sweat can be great for making whoopee, but there’s a difference between natural musk and getting down with Pigpen from the Peanuts comics. Just as you wouldn’t want to kiss someone who had recently eaten a Toxic Waste Sandwich with a Side of Hummus, extend the same courtesy to your partners and brush your damn teeth. If you are unsure of your odor quality, either ask your partners or just go clean thyself anyway. No one ever got mad at someone for taking the time to smell good, unless that smell is of Axe Body Spray.
7. Have fun!
This is, by far, the most important rule. You can sanitize to Monk-ish levels or throw on all the Frank Ocean you want, but you should be most worried about having sexy, consensual, affirming fun with people you won’t completely regret doing it with later. The best thing you can do is to check-in with yourself, make sure that you feel good and that this is what you want. Wrap up your sexy parts, not your feelings. But after that, just make like you’re in Rocky Horror and give yourself over to absolute pleasure. There’s no crime in that.
By NICO LANG
A dinner date is the most common type of date in the world today – and that’s both its positive and negative side. I have a serious problem with men taking me out to dinner. Not because I am a food snob… ok that does play a small role.. but mainly because I find it uncreative, lazy and as a vegan, I find it to be annoying. “Where can you eat, what can you eat…” blah blah blah …I hate you already.
What sets you apart from any other male that wants to get to know me? I guarantee that most of them have asked me to dinner… what makes you stand out, what makes you different, what makes you interesting? Dinner dates are very predictable. 9 times out 10, the same thing happens. You kind of know what you get, and the only real difference in one is whether you get a kiss at the end of the night or not.
So here are my top reasons why men & women alike need to start getting creative and stop asking each other out to dinner!
Dinner dates suck because:
- It’s boring. Not only for you, it’s also boring for him.
- It’s not a natural way to get to know someone. Do you usually eat dinner with somebody you don’t know?
- I’m really unattractive when I eat.
- They’re hard to escape. You’re tied to a chair for a few hours. What to do other than run when you catch him looking at your cleavage
- Awkward silence. Do I need to say more?
Having fun is the most important aspect of a date. And there are tons of OTHER ways to do this! So DUDES listen up…Here’s a little secret: If you really want to impress a woman, show her something new. Give her an experience she’s never had before. Trust me: If you do it properly, she’ll return the favor. wink wink
The trick is to set up a situation that can spark intimacy-building conversation, where you grow closer by exchanging ideas, feelings, hopes, and vulnerabilities.
- Spice shit up! If you are going to do a traditional dinner and a movie… switch it. Go to the movie first; and instead of going with traditional pop corn, sneak in some wine and snacks that go with the theme of the flick. Mind= blown.
- Be Interactive! When we try too hard or in predictable ways to create intimacy, we generally fail. That’s why you should stay away from cliché activities. Be thoughtful not corny. Play a game, yes … like a board game. Or paint something, or take a class on something sweet, like rock climbing. Doing something new together will reveal their (and your) most authentic self.
- Go Outside! Women friggen love being outdoors, it doesn’t matter what the activity is, when it’s nice she has to be there; so take her to the local farmers market. Pick up some fresh veggies, fruits, breads etc and take it with you to a park and just chill. Find a tree and chat, and eat, and talk, and people watch together. It is much more casual than dinner and way more fun! You feel like you can be yourself and so does she.
It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you are being yourself!
I recently went on a crazy fun date! The guy rented an accordion for us to play! Yes, there is a back story to this, and the short of the long of it, is this… Accordions are my most favorite instrument… EVER… So thoughtful right? Right. Oh and we also played Hungry Hippos on that date as well. Super effing fun.
The point of this post is this. It may work out, and it may not… but in the end wouldn’t you want to be the guy that rented the accordion, not the guy that fed her? I thought so.
A snippet from our evening of accordion playing
YOUR GUIDE TO NON-HORMONAL BIRTH CONTROL
Over the years we have fielded many questions about non-hormonal birth control. Today we will address this issue in a special post by Erin Handley, our new Director of Operations. Erin’s experience in reproductive health includes outreach and education with Planned Parenthood, teaching an undergraduate college course in Human Sexuality, and evaluation of a contraceptive choices tool kit for her master’s thesis. Additionally, she is co-author on several reproductive health research articles accepted for publication in peer-reviewed journals.
You Have Options
If we say “birth control” what pops into your head? (Men, you might be inclined to stop reading right now, but real men read articles about birth control…just sayin’.)
Do you automatically conjure up an image of a little pink plastic compact filled with a circle of tiny pop-out pills? Or maybe a monthly shot, a flesh-colored patch, or clear flexible ring comes to mind. Most likely your notion of birth control includes some sort of hormone that, when in contact with the systems of your body, magically allows you to manage how many children you conceive and when.
But how many of you specifically think about the non-hormonal options that are out there? Did you even know that those existed, how they’re used, or if they’re even effective?
Let us stop right here – because we want to make something very clear from the get-go. This is NOT an anti-hormonal-birth-control rant. The following information should not be used to argue that non-hormonal birth control is better for everyone than hormonal birth control. If you take one thing away from this post, it should be that there is not one perfect birth control method that meets the needs, wants, personality, physical make-up, expectations, and goals of all people. Why the heck do you think there are SO MANY options out there anyway?
No, the purpose of the information presented here is exactly the opposite. We want you to realize that you do have options. Because if you’re not happy with your birth control method then you’re likely to stop using it, or use it sporadically or ineffectively. And if you stop using your birth control effectively and you’re still having sex, then you’re likely to get pregnant. And if you get pregnant when you’re not ready for it, then it’s within reason that you’ll have a whole lot of other things to worry about than what kind of birth control method to use. And we care about your WHOLE health here at Whole9 – including the health of your potentially pregnant body and your future beef-butter-and-kale-eating babies.
So, let’s say, hypothetically, that you are fully aware of all of the hormonal birth control options out there. Maybe you’re even using one right now. (They’re the most popular and most advertised contraceptive methods, so that would make sense.) But perhaps you’re in the market for something that doesn’t include the hormones estrogen or progestin. Maybe you are trying to eliminate hormones from your food and life, maybe you don’t like how the hormones make you feel, maybe you’re not good at taking a pill every day, or maybe you’ve just been using the same method for so dang long you think that trying something new might benefit you in unknown ways.
Regardless, now you’re wondering, “What are my next steps?”
Well, first – and likely most important – DO NOT stop using your current method of birth control.Prematurely stopping your contraception before you are 100% ready to switch can leave you vulnerable to an unplanned pregnancy. I can not tell you how many times I would see girls and women come in to the clinic where I worked asking for a pregnancy test merely a month or so after changing their method. Different hormonal birth control options take different amounts of time to leave your system. How quickly or slowly this happens also depends on your body type and your genetics. So, please, be mindful of the gap.
Next, peruse the table below. We have listed the non-hormonal, non-surgical birth control options currently available in the U.S., how they are used, and their effectiveness. Maybe you’ll see one you’re interested in. Research it more. Ask your health care provider about it. Think about how much time you spend researching the quality, source, and effects of the food you eat – and apply that same verve to your contraception.
Lastly, make a decision – but know that it does not have to be final. Just like with your Whole30program, you may need to black box your birth control options. Only you can know what method is best for YOU. Just because your best friend LOVES the copper IUD does not mean it is going to be your end-all-be-all. The only way to know is to research it, try it, give it a few months or so, and then if it’s not for you, make a switch and try something new.
Your Non-Hormonal Birth Control Options
Remember, correctly using a birth control method that fits your needs can be as important to your health as eating real food. Educate yourself and be responsible for your own well-being… isn’t that why you stopped by the Whole9 in the first place?
We’ve compiled the non-hormonal, non-surgical birth control options available in the U.S. into this comparative table. We’ve also given you some additional resources at the end, to help you review which options may be appropriate for you.
We encourage you to print this table and take it to your health care provider’s office, to help guide productive discussion if and when you are ready to pursue a non-hormonal birth control method.
Postscript: It’s Plan B, Not Plan A
In the case of an emergency, it’s nice to have back up. No method (except true abstinence) is failsafe. Condoms occasionally break, you may forget to take your pill one morning, or you find you’ve miscounted your ovulation cycle… in instances like these, you have one more option.
You may have heard of emergency contraception before - commonly known as “the morning-after pill” or PlanB – which is a dose of hormones that can be taken up to 5 days after unprotected sex. What most people don’t know is that there is also a non-hormonal emergency contraceptive option. The ParaGard copper-t IUD can be inserted into the uterus 5 days or 120 hoursafter unprotected sex. This method of emergency contraception may be on the expensive side, but it can be up to 99.9% effective.
Your questions, thoughts, or sharing of your own experiences are always welcome in comments.
Best in health,
Whole9 (Dallas, Melissa, Erin, and Robin.)
1. Just because he wants to sleep with you doesn’t mean he wants to date you. I’ve heard my male friends say on many occasions “I’d put my penis in her, but I wouldn’t date her if you paid me.” Men are perfectly capable of being sexually available while maintaining no real attachments. While they may think a girl is hot, they can spot her emotional baggage from a mile away. Put that shit away!
2. Your really good guy friend really wants to fuck you. There are three categories of male friends: those that want to sleep with you, those that have slept with you, and those that used to want to sleep with you but are no longer attracted to you, because you fart and burp in their general direction.
3. Men talk about you with their friends as much as you do. If they truly like a girl, they will analyze things just as much as women do. The difference is, they will never let her see this, whereas women put the crazy on display. STOP IT!!!!
4. Sometimes a date is just a date. A guy can take you out on a first date for many reasons: he’s bored, he has no other plans, he thinks he might get laid, he wants to ask you about your hot friend, he just went through a breakup and needs a distraction, he wants to try a new bar but doesn’t want to go alone, etc. He may be taking you out for drinks, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s interested in seriously dating you … at all.
5. Every man has his dealbreakers. A friend of mine recently told me that he will not date a woman that buys entertainment magazines. Yes, sometimes dealbreakers can be that simple.
6. They don’t need others to validate the relationship. You may be sitting there waiting for the moment you become “Facebook Official,” but he could not care less who knows that you are dating. If he isn’t changing his relationship status, it isn’t because he doesn’t want people to know you’re in a relationship, he simply does not care about this. At all.
7. If you constantly drunk text him, he thinks you want to sleep with him. Every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night text that he receives from you increases his confidence that he will sleep with you and decreases his interest in dating you. If you act like a slut, he will treat you like a slut. MIND= BLOWN
8. His friends must approve. A guy will dump a girl because his friends don’t like her. It may take a month or a year, but eventually he will get annoyed with hearing “dude, seriously, your girlfriend sucks” and then she’s outta there! Umpire styles.
9. They hate when girls play hard to get. Or any other games, for that matter. You may think taking 18 hours to return a text message is a good rule of thumb, but they just take your lack of interest as, well, a lack of interest. He’s not a mind reader dumbass.
10. If a girl isn’t into them, they’d like to know sooner rather than later. Don’t go out with him or continue to talk to him because you feel bad or you’re trying to spare his feelings. Be an adult and let him know you aren’t interested in dating him. Also, don’t try to pawn him off to a friend, unless the friend looks like Kate Upton.
Be a lady not a douchebag.
Have sex. I know, I know: easier said than done hungover. This state usually comes with a full course of headache, thirst, stomach aches and depressive spirits that may also provoke suicide. We have all had that weak moment when we beg our roommate or significant other to just kill us so we may sleep: perchance to dream: ay, for in that sleep of death what dreams may come… We all get a bit Shakespearean-dramatic when our veins are filled with last night’s jager.
The low spirits accompanying your hangover are connected to a temporary imbalance of hormones that generate positive emotions. So naturally, I’m leaning towards an activity that makes me feel verrrrrrry positive. ZING!! Your organism (assuming he gave you one), will release endorphins and oxytocins which increases your threshold for pain and just makes you feel good. Plus, you’ll get to work off some of last nights calories… so, in the words of Nike, JUST DO IT!
She sat across the table from me and started to spit the truth. “…he has everything but looks Cando!” “He tagged us in a Facebook picture and I deleted it…” This moment of truth got me to thinking. How shallow are we as a society? How much are we willing to give up for looks? For pride? How important are looks really?
Generally speaking, the healthier the specimen, the more attracted to it others will be. This is not only true for humans, but also the animal kingdom. The more beautiful the peacock, the more hens surround him. The bigger the nest, the more appealing the female finds him. We have built a whole world around this obsession with looks. How our food looks, how our hair, skin and feet look. How our houses are decorated, how things are branded and marketed; what we watch, read, and see is largely determined by how attractive we find it.
Personality and talent is important sure, but only second to our initial first impression; aka: what we see. Take a look at the entertainment industry. It’s full of beautiful people with little to no talent. Does anyone know what half of these celebrities do? What does Kim Kardasian contribute to society other than provide that 16 year kid with his wet dreams for the year? Sure Lana Del Rey is beautiful, surgery will do that. But has anyone noticed she has the personality of a shoebox!? Watching her perform is like watching paint dry, it’s just unnecessary…
Looks have always been important, and will always be in some form. Where do you think the phrase Love of first sight came from? It wasn’t love at first conversation. No, the conversation came after the initial attraction. But did you know, that if you were to survey a room filled with women 80% of them would say sense of humor and intelligence is what they find most attractive. Unlike what we see on TV and the movies, the majority of people on this planet are very ordinary looking. What makes a person extraordinary and attractive is their personality and how they carry themselves.
Women are motivated by looks just as much as men are; but then start to rate you the minute your mouth starts moving. A man’s face begins to mould with the first 20 seconds they are engaged in conversation. This means, that this super hot dude with killer arms could turn to an average Joe within 1 minute depending on the experience the she is having. Women tend to be attracted by looks, evaluate you on personality, and then rate your desirability as a mate… on a scale they have created in their heads. Are we nuts? A bit, yeah… But we go on what we feel, not what we see. Have you ever seen that hot blonde walking down the street holding hands with the average, Jonah Hill-looking type? Chances are he radiates confidence and makes her laugh until she tinkles a bit; two qualities that mean more to most women than looks.
I went on a date with a model once. He was gorgeous, and I wanted to lick tahini off of his washboard abs. His eyes were so blue, I felt like they were staring directly into my soul… Had he any idea what a soul was!! During our 30 minute dinner conversation he managed to tell me 4 different ways to make toast, and why he couldn’t eat toast. Was it worst date I had ever been on? No, he was in no way rude, and didn’t vomit at the dinner table. But he was dull, completely uneducated, and seemed to live in a world where only he, and forbidden toast existed. He wasn’t passionate about anything, had no interests, or had any knowledge about anything outside of his personal bubble. I no longer wanted to lick anything off his chest. I wanted to go home and read every piece of work ever written by Jonathan Swift. And longed for someone to penetrate me while simultaneously reciting Frank O’Hara poetry.
So what is it that we want? Can we have both? Of course! It’s all about presentation, if you look like shit, you will attract shit – It’s that simple. In our minds we think we want the Hottie with 12-pack abs, but really we just want someone who looks put together, and makes us feel comfortable.
So wash your hair, and clean underneath your nails, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you don’t need to be obviously hot in order for someone to think you’re sexy.
A casual relationship is the Holy Grail to many people. This is the golden emotional point in one’s life, when they have successfully separated love and sex. Many have tried to reach this so called “optimum” area of existence but have found themselves in a sticky and often less then optimum experience. These are usually individuals confused about the meaning of the term and/or are not built for this type of relationship.
So what is a casual relationship? We have all seen Dean Winters’ appearance in Sex And The City, but if you’re completely clueless… There are several different types; the booty call, the casual dating/hooking up that ends up as a friendship, the hooking up with the ex, the one that never was, the fuck buddy and the friends with benefits. Personally, I am all in favor of the friends with benefits arrangements, because it’s safe (STD wise) to have a partner (or partners) that you can trust and that you know are good in bed. It eliminates the lonely spinster mentality and allows single women to express themselves sexually without the feeling of a negative social stigma. As we progress as a society we have been able to notice the differences between a slutty lifestyle, a promiscuous one, and self expression. Sex is natural, we all need it and we all want it, so why let the lack of a spouse dictate your lack of, well… Dick. You want good sex, so nurture a sexual relationship instead of an emotional one.
It’s all about being in the right frame of mind and knowing ones limitations and boundaries. Not everyone is capable of having these types of relationships. Some of us are just monogamous by nature. But if you believe you can maintain a casual relationship free of emotions, and plentiful of orgasms it is important to lay some ground rules for yourself.
1. I will not enter a friend with benefits arrangement because that’s all he has to offer at that time and what I really want is to date him eventually. Chances are he won’t want to date you eventually. By promising yourself something like this, you are lying to yourself.
2. I will end things as soon as there’s emotional attachment evolving; whether it is me or him. If one begins to develop feelings it is morally unclean and cruel to continue. Failing to do so will end any friendship you have previously– so be careful.
3. Absolutely no relationship-style pet names. You’re not his darling, so unless he’s using this term to describe how great you are in bed, it is not allowed. This leads to false hopes and broken hearts.
Each person is different; therefore, each style of casual relationship will be different. Recognizing what type of relationship you are in (or want to be in) will help to create mental and emotional stability and clarity.
The Booty Call is the most casual of the no strings attached relationships. There is an understanding that each person is in the relationship just for sex. Dating other people is accepted and each other’s dating life is kept private. To keep the relationship on a sex-only level, getting to know one another on an emotional level is avoided, and mannerisms are kept respectful and polite. Text messaging is the preferred mode of communication. Texting offers both parties a concise, no bullshit way of asking for sex without chitchat. These messages are often initiated on the weekend, around a bar’s last call, and are a quick exchange of necessary details like: Can you meet up later? When? My place or yours? The time you spend together is predominantly engaging in, or preparing to engage in sex. There is no dating or hanging out. You are never seen together in public and spending the night is not necessary, and in most cases discouraged.
The Fuck Buddy is someone you often bump into at parties, bars and clubs. Your group of friends hangout in the same social scenes and you’re all somewhat acquainted. You hang out with each other in public but only after the casual run-in. Plans to hang out are seldom, and if they are made, it is always spur of the moment. The Fuck Buddy will meet you at a bar or party then go home with you, whereas the booty call will usually just meet you at your place. You only communicate with each other if you’re out or know you’re going to go out. Calls or texts are usually focused around the social scene and whether paths will cross during the night.
Your fuck buddy is your social play friend. The relationship is built on fun, the scene and sex. You are both actively dating other people and know that this relationship will end if one of you starts to seriously romantically date another person. However, if that partner returns to single status, the fuck buddy relationship can be re-established.
The One That Never Was is the least complicated of the bunch. Most of us have flown the coop and came to reside in cities different from the ones we grew up, or studied in. During those years you have made numerous relationships and cultivated many friendships. But when you think back, there is always that one guy or girl that “never was”. This is the person with whom your heart will always have a soft spot, there was always some sort of magnetic connection, but someone was always dating someone else or neither of you had the balls to act on this bizarre mutual feeling. This person lives in the city of your past and is usually one of the first people you text when you are coming to visit. The text messages are kind and thoughtful, as you are both genuinely interested in what the other person has been up to. You’ve never talked about it, but you both know that you have the ability to hang out and hook up in secret with no strings attached during the short period of time you are in the same city. It’s like reliving your youth, the glory days, like stepping back in time.
Friend with Benefits is my relationship of choice. These are two friends that have decided to upgrade their already existing platonic relationship. First and foremost this is a friendship; you care about the other; however, you are not interested in romantically dating each other. You are able to have sex with each other without it being awkward because there is a good foundation for your relationship and you communicate really well with each other. You can call your FWB just to talk and hangout, even if the is no promise of sex. The only difference between your other friendships and this one is sex. The best part about this relationship is that this person is like a pseudo- boy/girlfriend. You have the ability to go out on date-like activities, which is useful for formal parties and weddings. No real boyfriend needed. This relationship usually goes back to a normal non-sex friendship after one of you finds yourself ready to commit to someone else.
I find that having these arrangements gives single individuals the freedom to relax without having to worry about having their sexual appetite fulfilled. For many high performing professionals with no time to nurture a relationship this is a perfect alternative. When you remove the emotional investment any heartbreak due to work, travel or life in general is avoided. It gives you the opportunity to get to know your sex partner, their body and what turns them on, ensuring flawless and amazing sex. All while having time to focus on your career and dreams. The main thing is to remain honest. Be honest with them and be honest with yourself, this will help to avoid any complicated situations.
A real education takes place, not in the lecture hall or library, but in the rooms of friends, with earnest frolic and happy disputation. Wine can be a wiser teacher than ink, and banter better than books.