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You smell like dumpster and your mouth tastes like the carpet at a strip club. You look down at your arm and notice 5 stamps. Fuck. You get up to wash your face and when you get to the bathroom you notice the 3 stamps on your forehead. Your immediate reaction is to make sure you are wearing pants… you’re not. In fact, you have somehow managed to keep your shoes on as you removed your pants AND underwear at some point early this morning…
YOU NEED A DRINK.. STAT … Let me introduce to you the GREEN MIMOSA
1 part green juice ( Spinach, cucumber, apple, kale, lemon, ginger is my favorite)
1 part Organic Raw Kombucha
Mix in a glass and enjoy.
Kombucha is an all natural health beverage full of probiotics and other healthy amino acids. Probiotics are said to boost immunity, enhance mood, regulate pH, and detoxify the body. Quadruple win!
***DO NOT SHAKE YOUR KOMBUCHA. You will end up wearing it.
As with hiccups, nearly everyone has a favorite hangover cure. Throughout history, whole cultures have come up with some bizarre and creative hangover remedies. Like how in the name of all things mighty does one even come up with something so ridiculous? See for yourself…
Ancient Greece: Sheep lungs and owl eggs. Let me just go grab them from my pantry…
Ancient Rome: Two fried canaries. Like, pet Canaries?
Medieval England: A paste of bitter almonds and fried eels. ????
Germany: Sour herring. Okay, somewhat normal…
Haiti: Stick 13 pins into the cork of the bottle you drank from. Oh, I get it, it’s witchcraft…
Ireland: Bury the hangover sufferer up to his neck in a sandy riverbank… and leave them to die?
Japan: Pickled plums. interesting, I may try that
Mongolia: Pickled sheep eyes in tomato juice. blech
Poland: Pickled beet juice. YUMMY!
Puerto Rico: Lemon slices, rubbed under the armpits, before drinking. If it doesn’t work at least you’ll be, So fresh and so clean, clean
Romania: Tripe (cow intestines). That’s just stupid
United States (Old West): Rabbit poop. Oh goody! Chocolate!
… Let’s keep things animal free but just as bizarre with OIL PULLING…
In the morning, after a long night, on an empty stomach you take one tablespoon of sesame or sunflower oil in the mouth but do not swallow it. Move Oil Slowly in the mouth as rinsing or swishing and pull through the teeth’ for fifteen to twenty minutes. This process makes oil thoroughly mix with saliva. Swishing activates the enzymes and the enzymes draw toxins out of the blood. The oil must not be swallowed, for it has become toxic. As the process continues, the oil gets thinner and white. If the oil is still yellow, it has not been pulled long enough. After 20 minutes spit out the oil, the mouth must be washed thoroughly. Just use normal tap water and good ol’ finger tools to clean.
The oil pulling /swishing is done best before breakfast. To accelerate the healing process, it can be repeated three times a day, but always before meals on an empty stomach. Try it!
Out till 4am? Did you wake up on the floor next to what you thought was your bed? Are you feeling like you were hit by a train, while simultaneously walking into a wall and smashing your face off a door? I know that feeling all to well!
This smoothie is about to become your new best friend. All of these ingredients are there to help with stomach issues, refuel and re-hydrate the body, and help relax the mind– all good things for treating a hangover, yes? Yes!
1 cup orange juice
1/2 cup young thai coconut water
1 tsp ginger
1/2 tbsp maca
1/2 cup frozen mixed berries
4 drops Milk Thistle
Toss all ingredients in a blender. Grab a glass straw and enjoy in bed.
This is the hangover cure of champions, let them keep their hair of the dog… you don’t need it! Each ingredient has been careful chosen according to it’s healing properties. The tomato juice contains fructose which helps your body metabolize those beers more quickly. The cabbage & minerals in sauerkraut are a great way to replace lost nutrients and will help to dissipate that headache. Feeling pukey? Ginger will help soothe your upset stomach, while the lemon is working hard to re-balance your blood sugar levels. Basil is the secret ingredint in this one; it contains a natural anti-inflammatory compound also found in oregano and medicinal cannabis. Score!
juice of 1 lemon
1 small sprig of basil
2 tbsp sauerkraut, finely chopped
1 tsp ginger, minced
2 tbsp olice juice
red pepper, celery & cucumber to garnish
Mix all of these ingredients in a tall glass, like you would a Ceaser or Bloody Mary, Sans Vodka… and enjoy.
Drink up, Buttercup!
Its that time of day again. The sun rises, birds are chirping, and you are stuck in bed cursing that bottle of JD you guzzled back as if if it was the last bottle you would ever consume. So what can you do to help ease that morning-after suffering?
Woody Harrelson says, “If you have a hangover, a headstand is the best thing to do. Get up and do a yoga session.” I would have to agree with the man. A headstand is something I do to cure headaches even when I am not hungover. It revitalizes the entire body and stimulates the mind. Headstand stimulates the nervous system, increasing mental alertness and clarity. It is a centering, calming and soothing pose. think of it like a pat on the back.. from yourself.
By reversing the pull of gravity on the organs, especially the intestines, it helps to cleanse them and overcome problems of the liver, kidneys, stomach, intestines and reproductive system. Damn that bottle. It is also used to treat asthma, hay fever, diabetes, headaches, anxiety and menopausal imbalance.
Want to learn how to do a headstand… Watch this video!
Soak in Wasabi To Stimulate Detoxification… until next weekend.
Did you know that as much as a third of toxic body waste is cleared through the skin. That is why, no matter how often you brush your teeth after a night out your boss will still smell that booze off you.
Now, doesn’t it suddenly make complete sense to soak in a tub of toxin-purging wasabi? Don’t dismiss the hot stuff as a mere smear on your sushi! Turns out that at the root of this go-to miracle tonic’s power, wasabi (which is actually a member of the cabbage family) has the ability to increase blood circulation through the organs and promote oxygenation of the cellular tissue, helping to clear cells of metabolic waste. When infused into the bath, wasabi’s stimulating nature has been known to help ease a hangover. Food really is incredible isn’t it?
I’ve used the Body Systems Bath Treatment, but then decided to make it myself by combining ginger for nausea & indigestion, mustard for increased circulation, stimulating sweat glands, & opening pores, epsom salts for relieving aching muscles and internal re-balancing, and peppermint oil to loosen phlegm, sooth nerves, and stimulating pain relief. I mix all ingredients together and sit in my tub. What else are you going to hungover?
Last night I celebrated by birthday. So naturally, today I felt like the biggest bag of shit ever to walk on this green earth of ours. I’m talkin’ like nausea, headache, dizzy spells of dance and shot-induced full on, kill me now, hang ovaaaaaa. I decided to drag my ass to the kitchen and make me a cup of this bad boy… mainly to prevent me from vomiting on my pink slippers…
4-6 thin slices raw ginger
1 1/2 – 2 cups water
juice from 1/2 lime, or to taste
1-2 tbsp agave nectar, or maple syrup
Peel the ginger and slice thinly to maximize the surface area. This will help you make a very flavorful ginger tea. Boil the ginger in water for at least 10 minutes. For a stronger and tangier tea, allow to boil for 20 minutes or more. Remove from heat and add lime juice and agave nectar to taste.
The ginger will soothes your stomach, and the natural sugar from the lemon and agave nectar will raise your blood sugar level back to where it should be. Happy Hang-overing!
Have sex. I know, I know: easier said than done hungover. This state usually comes with a full course of headache, thirst, stomach aches and depressive spirits that may also provoke suicide. We have all had that weak moment when we beg our roommate or significant other to just kill us so we may sleep: perchance to dream: ay, for in that sleep of death what dreams may come… We all get a bit Shakespearean-dramatic when our veins are filled with last night’s jager.
The low spirits accompanying your hangover are connected to a temporary imbalance of hormones that generate positive emotions. So naturally, I’m leaning towards an activity that makes me feel verrrrrrry positive. ZING!! Your organism (assuming he gave you one), will release endorphins and oxytocins which increases your threshold for pain and just makes you feel good. Plus, you’ll get to work off some of last nights calories… so, in the words of Nike, JUST DO IT!
Your current situation can be described as follows. It’s 10am, you find yourself struggling to open your eyes. They want to open, but there is a sticky film preventing you from actually completing the action. But eventually you figure it out; and when you do, you realize that your hand is covered in green barstar stamps and glitter. was I out for St Pats, or Mardi Gras? you wonder to yourself. As you attempt to smack yourself in the forehead you notice the beer your fingers are clutching for dear life… It’s official you are a hungover mess. Your mouth tastes like a homeless man urinated in it and you are familiar with the trail of clothes leading to your open bedroom door. It is about this time that you realize you are standing naked in your kitchen and your roommate is sure to wake up at any moment. Don’t worry girl, I’ve got your skanky ass covered, we are going to fix you up like Patch Adams.
Step one: Chug Water, no, no, not sip… You weren’t sipping last night were you?! Chug a liter of lemon water to cleanse yourself of the green beer your liver is swimming in. It might be tough, and you’ll probably gag, but you’ll thank me in an hour.
Step two: Fill your belly. The last thing you want to think about is food; I realize that but listen up; your body needs something to soak up all the shame you ingested and replenish all the nutrients you pissed away… So make the sOakmeal recipe below. Eat it all! Even if it takes you all day…
1/2 organic oats ( I like Bobs Mill)
1/4 tsp Himalayan rock salt ( this will replenish your body with minerals)
1 tbsp wheat germ (optional)
1/2 tbsp Maca (rebalances your horomones you dirty skank)
1/4 tsp nutmeg (flavour yums)
1 cup of mixed berries ( I like to use blueberries and strawberries, they are high in antioxidants and vitamin c)
1/2 a banana, sliced ( replenishes your potassium)
1/2 -1 cup almond milk
Cook the oatmeal according to the package. ( or soak it the night before if you are raw) Mix in spice and maca. Add remaining ingredients. And top with fruit.
Step three: shower the shame off your body… You smell like a dumpster baby.
Step four: sleep, sleep sleep
Step five: Drink green juices, all day. Especially with ginger, it will help with the detox. Make your own or buy some and keep them in your fridge. I get mine from Belmonte Raw in Leslieville.
You’re welcome dirty girl. Same time next weekend?
1 drink, 2 drink 3 drink floor? We have all been there, and we have all sworn that we wouldn’t do it again. We are all liars.
Whether you simply under-estimated the potency of that extra glass of wine, or you consciously made the decision to drink till you drop, now you are paying the price. If you would rather lay in the fetal position then face the sunshine. Or, find yourself cursing the sound of happy children in the street, then you have found yourself the right blog.
Alcohol is a poison, and the hangover is your body reacting and trying to get rid of the toxins that you single-handedly jagerbombed your body with. It really is that simple
How do you prevent a hangover? Obviously by not drinking you Boozehound! But since this is not likely to happen, here is some friendly advice from your local party animal.
Eat & Drink This!
Bananas- Just peel and eat. The minute you broke the seal, the potassium levels in your body have been diminishing.
Coconut Water- Nature’s sport drink! Replenish your fluids, sugar levels and electrolytes with this magical elixir.
Water- Duh, like I should even have to write this. But I understand that your brain is swimming in a glass of last nights beer, so I will elaborate. When you drink, you piss like a racehorse and end up dehydrated. So drink water and drink tons.Your body does not function correctly when you are dehydrated.
Ginger Tea- If you can handle standing for long enough this tea works wonders for nausea and an upset tummy. Cut slices of ginger root and combine with water. Boil for ten minutes, strain and add citrus juice like orange or lemon. Sweeten with honey and slam it back.
Half Lord of the Fishes Pose- Don’t look at me like that. Yes, I am telling you do a yoga pose. This pose is the perfect post-party liver flush, and you do it sitting, you’re welcome.
- Sit on the floor with your legs extended straight in front of you.
- Bend your left knee and cross your leg over your right, placing your left foot on the floor beside the outside of your right knee.
- Rotate your torso to the left so you are twisting your body.
- Bring your right arm across your body and place your right hand on the floor beside your left butt cheek. This will act like a kickstand.
- Inhale big belly breaths. Hold the pose for 30 seconds. Switch sides. Go back to bed.