By: Ryan O’Connell
Published on Thought Catalog
1. It is possible to occasionally sleep with your friend without it turning into some big ol’ thing. Why is there such intense debate about this? Why did Hollywood have to poop out two identical movies that explore this STRANGE and TWISTED phenomenon known as, “friends with benefits”? “OMG,” a fearful woman screams. “Is it true? Can you REALLY sleep with someone and not want to have 10,000 of their babies afterwards?” Yes. Friend sex is tricky but it can work on a case by case basis. I would just advise that the person you’re boning not be your best friend and that you only have sex sporadically. There. Bingo. Now you can sleep with most of your friends!
2. Sex isn’t always hot. Sometimes it’s sad and sometimes it’s angry and sometimes it’s embarrassing. Sex comes in a variety of flavors and “hot porn sex” is just one of the things that’s on the menu. To be honest, messy sex is often more interesting than garden-variety porn sex. It’s easy to emulate what you’ve seen on TV. The real challenge comes from making sex personal and uNiQuE to the individual.
3. Sometimes you will feel overwhelmed with emotion and want to cry during sex. That’s okay. You’re not crazy. There’s just a dick inside of you. We’ve all been there.
4. There are certain sexual experiences that leave a nasty mark and, in most cases, the mark doesn’t go away until you sleep with someone else. The best cure for a bad sexual experience is a good one.
5. People don’t always get more interesting when their clothes are off. They don’t magically become nicer or more understanding. Sometimes a person is actually the worst version of themselves when they’re naked.
6. More people would like to have sex with you than you might think. If you’re ever in doubt, you should just assume that someone would be okay with seeing you naked.
7. While it can be good to take a break from sex, don’t be gone too long. Otherwise, you risk becoming legitimately terrified of sex. The thought of experiencing that kind of intimacy with someone is, all of a sudden, totally bone-chilling and you can’t remember how you ever did it. And that, my friends, is how six months of celibacy can quickly turn into two years.
8. Sex is the reason why you’re taking a cab to this douchebag’s apartment at 4 a.m. Sex is the reason why you bought those $200 jeans. Sex is the reason why you ordered a salad instead of a burger. Sex is the reason why you’re still dating this person, even though you know you’ll never be able to love them. See that? Therein lies the difference between sex and love. Sex drags things out that should’ve been dead a long time ago. Love, on the other hand, kills everything quickly.
9. It is possible to have really good sex with someone, love who they are, get along with them during daylight hours, and still never want to date them.
10. The person you lost your virginity to won’t always mean something to you. And that’s fine. They really don’t need to matter. Their one job is to make you not a virgin anymore and then send you on your merry way.
Read more at http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/10-things-no-one-tells-you-about-sex/#Q02sVto33RHiMRzK.99
Isn’t it the truth!?
This is making me laugh so hard! I love people that do this stuff just because they can!!!!
Okay, what will my youtube contribution be? It has to top this dude!
The most important thing in life is to be yourself.
There comes a point in every single girl’s life when she finds herself having to use the loo in a man’s apartment. Leading up to this horrifying act was a series of drinks or dinners (or maybe not, Trampy McTramperson) where you could politely and discreetly excuse, and relieve yourself in peace. Free of worry, judgement or running water. But now you find yourself standing in the cold, empty bathroom trying to figure out just how well he can hear you doing the devils business.
At this point you are desperate. You have been holding your full bladder for at least 2 hours, having that inner battle with yourself, “You’re fine, you do not need to pee, just hold it and it will go away…” Well I have news for you it won’t go away, and holding it can result in chaos if the situation is not carefully assessed. You never know when you’re about to laugh uncontrollably or may find yourself in a tickle war, or worse you slip and fall… trust me. So here you are.
You look down at the turned up toilet seat. You wince and reach out to set it down. You stare, but then decide to check out your surroundings, a blue shower curtain, little to no product, small bits of freshly shaven hair scattered around the sink. You can tell he tried to clean it, but some spots were missed. You look back at the bathroom door; it feels paper thin at this point. You find yourself tip toeing around the bathroom look for anything to muffle the sound a bit.
Like some teen smoking pot in their dorm room, you shove a towel in the crack at the bottom of the door. Hmm that sound help, you look proudly towards the proof of your problem solving skills. That should do it! You head back to the toilet, and start unrolling the toilet paper, and piling it in the toilet bowl, creating a small barrier between your urine and the water. There! Now he won’t hear that embarrassing tinkle… You sit down and after 5 yoga breaths you start to pee, slowly, barely… and just as you are about to let go, you remember the sink. Running water!! You stop immediately and turn on the water full force. Awkwardly you hop back to the toilet, panties around your ankles, and pee in peace—kind of.
You push and push realizing that you’ve been in this bathroom for a bit longer than you anticipated. A quick flush, wash of the hands. and touch up of make up, you proudly, but gracefully prance back into his gaze, an extra hop in your step. You did it…
He smiles, and you smile back. But what you may not realize is that he is laughing inside. While you were away for 20 minutes trying to figure how to muffle the sound of your pee, he firmly believes the only reason anyone would take so long in a bathroom is because you needed to take a great… big…dump.
I tweet from the bathroom all the time! Follow me !
1. The fact that midnight is the official start of a new day, instead of whenever you wake up.
2. Mothers and fathers only receive one day of celebration per year, while sharks get an entire week.
3. Cell phones have essentially wiped out the option of pushing someone into the pool.
4. Not knowing how to spell something, and realizing that you may just have to replace it with another word.
5. Blackberries are done. They’ve failed to provide sufficient technological improvements, and are the cell phone equivalent of Myspace.
6. Getting cozy in bed, then realizing you have to get up to do something.
7. As important as your call to a company is, you’ll still probably be forced to listen to fifteen minutes of smooth jazz while you hold for the next available representative.
8. Many relationships nowadays don’t feel genuinely official, until it says it on Facebook.
9. Having your voice recorded and hearing it played back. You’ll cringe and wonder if you really sound that way all the time.
10. Non-alcoholic beer and decaffeinated coffee are actual products sold in stores.
11. Fixing things is rarely ever as easy as blowing into videogame cartridges was throughout the 90s.
12. Multiple trips to bring groceries inside of the house. Instead, we’ll struggle with 20 bags in each hand, as long as it means one journey.
13. Friends who eat brownies, washed down with Mountain Dew, and other awful sh-t — but remain outrageously skinny or in-shape.
14. The unspoken fact that a text message stating nothing but the phrase, “LOL,” means the conversation is entirely over.
15. Boredom and hunger being basically indistinguishable.
16. Being in the middle of telling a great story, and realizing that nobody is paying attention.
17. Tyler Perry is going to continue making movies, and Nickelback is going to continue making music. (And they’ll probably continue to be highly successful — so if you don’t enjoy ‘em, don’t watch or listen.)
18. Your cell phone falling to the ground will almost always draw more concern from others than you tripping or slipping, and going for a tumble.
19. When you are strongly attracted to a person but they don’t reciprocate those feelings, and they’re just not going to — no matter what you do.
20. LeBron James is currently the greatest basketball player in the world, and he’s got a championship ring to back it up.
21. Continuously high gas prices.
22. Even higher orange juice prices. I mean, seriously, the vitamin C can’t help our bodies out too much if we lose an arm and a leg every time we buy a carton.
23. Christian Bale’s Batman voice. It’s tragic that Batman himself is the worst aspect of Batman movies.
24. When it’s 8:01 and you’re scheduled to be at work at 8:00, so you should probably get out of bed.
25. Season finales with epic cliffhangers or brilliant storylines that leave us wanting more… Yeah, I’m looking at you, Walking Dead.
You are sick and tired of spending hours on end making yourself look good to the opposite sex. We live in a superficial society, and you refuse to be a part of it. If the person you are having dinner with cannot accept you at your worst, why should they get to enjoy you at your best? So don’t be that girl that tries to dazzle her man with a glittery first impression. No, do the opposite. Show up in an old T-shirt and cutoff jeans. Oh and forgo the shower and makeup, if he’s a genuine guy he will see past your smelly pits and raccoon eyes, and will be immediately swept away by your awesome personality.
Bring Your Family Along
They always say, date someone you family will approve of. So what better way to see if he is even worth it than having him meet your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins – as many as you can gather, on the first date! You will all be able to figure out how you feel about this potential new member of the family immediately! You can even turn it in to a fun game by providing everyone with a scorecard.
Ask Intensely Personal Questions
Having trouble getting the conversation jumpstarted again after discussing you father IBS with your date? Get to the heart of who or she is. You could, for example, begin by saying “Why did your last relationship end? Is your ex better looking than me?” “What was your morning poop like today?” You have to make sure your potential husband is eating a healthy high fiber diet…
Order the Most Expensive Items on the Menu
Though it might seem rude, it is important to keep in mind the first date is a special occasion. He is lucky that he is even out with you tonight. Imagine how much better the story will be for your children when you tell them that their daddy spent his whole paycheck on wooing their mother. And NEVER skip dessert. In fact, have two or three of them.
Be REALLLLLLLY Honest
Tell this potential husband all about your ticking biological clock. I am sure he wants to know every detail associated with your aging eggs and extreme need for 2.3 kids and a dog in the next 5 years. Be as desperate as possible, it’s hot.
The First Kiss
Anyone who has ever dated knows that the first kiss the worst part of a date. Neither of you has any idea what the other person likes, so it almost always ends up being a train wreck. So go ahead, go in for the kill like a shark in blood filled water. Lick that dudes face, and pinch his ass while your ate it. Nothing screams I’m desperate like maul in the first 3 hours you’ve known the dude.
You were thinking it….
If you cannot be a poet, be the poem. ~David Carradine
Me too R2 me too…
Hollaaaaa from my Malaaaaaa!!
A little yoga joke for my fellow yogi’s!
I myself am very guilty of saying a few of these ridiculous phrases